Introducing Sex toys to your Relationship

Sex toys can be a wonderful and exciting addition to any sexual relationship. There are a growing number of fun and exciting sex toys for couples available. Using sex toys with your partner can help bring you to new levels of pleasure and intimacy. They can be a tool for learning about each other and your desires. On top of that they are great fun! However for many people they can be intimidating. It can be nerve-wracking to use a sex toy with a partner for the first time and open the door to feelings of inadequacy. This guide will help you navigate some of these concerns and give you tips on how introduce sex toys to your relationship 

‘I want my partner to use a sex toy on me’ 

There is nothing quite like laying back and allowing your partner to take charge of your pleasure. Who doesn’t enjoy being lavished with attention, love and marvellous sensations! Handing over the controls to your favourite sex toy can be a fun way to play with power dynamics. 

I suggest however, before you put someone else in charge, play solo first. Particularly if you have a new toy you want to introduce. It is worth using it on your own to find out how you like to use it best. If you want to use a vibrator for example, explore the settings and intensity to find what works for you. With dildos or anal toys, do you like hard thrusts or gentle rocking. This will mean you can guide your partner and you will both get the maximum enjoyment out of the experience. Communicate with them beforehand about the things you would like them to do and anything they should avoid. Nothing can spoil the moment more than your partner cranking the power too high on a vibe and shocking your delicate bits! 

Remember that sometimes sex toys don’t offer the sort of sensory feedback that fingers or tongues do. It can be more difficult to tell if you have got them in the right spot or are applying too much or not enough pressure. Give your partner lots of feedback about what they are doing. This doesn’t have to be clinical. Moans, sighs and cries of ‘Oh YES’ when they are getting it right will go a long way.

‘My partner wants me to use a sex toy on them’

How wonderful that you have a trusting partner who wants to explore the joys of sex toys with you. Although using sex toys with your partner should be fun – it can feel a bit intimidating or scary, particularly if you haven’t done it before. 

Even if you are a sex toy aficionado and are well practised using them, always take time to communicate with your partner about their desires first. What works for one person might be a complete turn off for another. Check in regularly and if you are unsure you could ask them to help guide your hands in to the right places at first. 

My partner wants to use sex toys – does this mean I am not good enough? 

One word – NO! Lots of people worry that if their partner wants to use sex toys this must mean they are inadequate. This is a really common feeling and isn’t something to be ashamed of. Remember however, sex toys are about adding to pleasure and experiencing new sensations. The feeling of exploring your body with a sex toy is different to human touch – not better or worse – just different. Research suggests that couples use use sex toys together a generally experience greater relationship satisfaction and sustain passion in the long term. Crucially it was those couples who felt safe together to communicate about their desires (as well as concerns) that were the most sexually satisfied. 

Another common myth is that by using sex toys such as a large dildo or powerful vibrator your partner may no-longer be able to be satisfied without them. The idea that some how sex toys ruin your ability to get off with human touch alone is completely false. In fact using sex toys often allows people to learn more about what they enjoy sexually, grow in confidence and ultimately increase satisfaction. 

I would love my partner to be more adventurous in bed – could adding some sex toys spice things up? 

The answer to this question is really – it depends. If you are feeling in a bit of a sexual rut or if you would just like to mix things up it can be great to explore adding some fun new sex toys in to your lives. It can be a great opportunity to start a discussion with your partner about things you both would like to try out. Have a fun shopping session picking out your new playthings together and make plans about what you will do to each other! 

On the other hand, sometimes people feel that if only their partner would just try a new vibrator or cock ring they will suddenly become the raging sex fiend you always hoped they would be. This just isn’t going to be the case. If your partner has told you they aren’t interested – listen to them. In particular avoid surprise gifts. Instead of  being sexy, this can end up feeling like an obligation or pressure to someone who doesn’t already use sex toys. This is especially true if it is for a sex act they aren’t normally interested in e.g. a butt plug.